this is a short and sweet love letter for you

we are in a world full of darkness and cruelty. i only wish for there to be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel, but things only get worse
and worse
and worse.

ive thought of nothing other than how i should die, and what would happen if i died, for nearly a month now.
and nothing has gotten better. but i wont kill myself. i couldnt even if i wanted to.

i would rather die knowing that i made a mark on peoples lifes in a positive way. that people would remember me as somebody who was always there for them
even though that wouldnt be true (partially).

dont get me wrong. this isnt some sort of edgy teen writing about this for clout or anything. these are my genuine thoughts
besides like i said. i might not go through with it, as i havent done anything truly noteworthy for this world. and theres also the fact that i am terrified of death and the future and all that kind of stuff.

im still a child after all.

i do have a couple people i want to name specifically. a special kind of love letter to them.

to farn, thank you for choosing nico over me. i was happy to know that those 3 years of us knowing each other meant nothing to you. i hope your satisfied.
to church, i looked up to you as an inspiration, but youre nothing but the dirt i walk on. you are only guilty because you were caught. are you proud of yourself? i hope not.
to agitha, stay the fuck away from me and my friends. thats it. just stay the fuck away.

now i will close with this

i think the only reason why i would even possibly stay alive is because i know that i have people around me who care about me. even if we have never seen each other in real life, we are still close.
though we might not consider each other friends (whether its bc youre an adult or other reasons), it was still happy to know that there were people who cared about me.

i doubt i will ever make this public, since theres a couple ppl following me who i know irl
so here is my love letter.
a true love letter to you all.

victim, buggy, nate, chaos, vii, rita, the mignyan mods, and to anybody else i have spoken to but not named
thank you. thank you for being there for me.

though im not gonna leave forever. ill still be around, but i might not be as active as i usually am. i still have art to finish after all.

goodbye. i hope you have a wonderful day.